Falling through the cracks.

Everything seems to be falling through the cracks. So many aspects of the clinical phase are so rich. Some are frustrating, some are heartbreaking, but everything is new and interesting right now. On the other hand, I'm having a monumentally difficult time juggling my responsibilities right now. I want to be a help around the house, but my ability to take time away from reading when I'm not in the hospital is patchy, and on blue moons I take a night to be with the family and vegetate. This is a new balance, involving both clinical and didactic responsibilities, all of which are new and perplexing. I would go into detail, but it would take too long, so in brief: each rotation has a different set of complicated expectations for our clinical responsibilities/communications as well as a didactic core that is basically waved beneath your nose but otherwise is accomplished by whatever we happen to run across in clinic, plus the book of our choice. It's hard to get a handle on. All that plus an irregular clinic schedule (irregular schedule but uniformly long hours) has flushed all semblance of balance and all feeling of mastery from where they were tenuously perched.

So I want to grab hold of this time in writing, to share. But I really don't have the time at all at all at all. I want to write about patients I see (with identities masked - nod to HIPAA). I want to write about misperceptions I had, things I learn, and attendings I watch. But I feel like I am strapped to a giant wheel that keeps ducking me under cold water...I just get my head clear again and under I go again. I am taking a moment to write because over the past two hours, my brain sort of stopped and I wasted time anyway. So I thought I may as well top it off with some actual directed thought, frivolous as it is.

Of note: Mazie and Vivian had their 6th and 8th birthday party, and it was really fun. I hope everyone had fun!

I have a list of thank you notes two miles long to write. If anyone who reads this happens to be owed a thank-you note, know that I thank you and it just hasn't gotten on paper and into the mailbox!

Everyone is pregnant and I officially would love to have another baby...but, o, the complexity!