We're spending the week of Christmas with Richie's family in Georgia this year. We got in Saturday night and we'll be here until the following Saturday. So far, I have been sort of grumpy.
I'm trying to relax, but not doing a great job. I have a sense of impending doom about my inability to get up early and exercise, like I've planned to do practically forever. I was so impressed with a dear friend (who will go unnamed because I would embarrass her) last time I visited her because she woke up before dawn and worked out before going to work that morning. I have never gotten into a routine like this because I am immovable in the morning. I don't sleep forever, just for 8 hours. So if I don't get to bed until 10:45, that means I'm not getting up until 6:45 unless I have to. And, to date, exercise hasn't qualified as sufficiently pressing. So my friend seemed to me to have mystical powers of determination and self-respect.
But it's go time for me. I feel urgent about changing my ways all of a sudden. So I'm agitated. And grumpy.
Another thing- I borrowed a book called Playful Parenting that has been wonderful so far. I am someone who generally feels parents work hard if their kids are clean and well-fed and have no obvious snot on their faces. This book has shown me gaping holes in my parenting skill - namely, the infrequency with which I just get down on the floor and play with Mazie and Vivian. The book does a great job of explaining why this is psychologically crucial for kids and ends up saving distress for parent and child in the long run, so I won't try to do it justice here. I am convinced and convicted that I absolutely need to drink deeply as a parent and savor building the relationship between my daughters and me on their terms. On the floor. With puppets. Faking injury. Being silly. I have been the stodgy enforcer WAY too often. I still think consistency and love are the two most important pillars of parenting, but it's clear that play is the language of kids. As such, we need to engage with them in that language.
One thing that makes me sure of this is that my stepdad, Pete, won my affection and devotion through play. He played fantastically well. I would have sooner walked on a bed of coals than disappoint Pete because he had developed such a fantastic rapport with me. It was based on consistency and love, but also on play. I think the effectiveness of his discipline came from the affection developed in play.
Thanks, Pete. Now I know that one must stop doing other things and take time to build a relationship with a child. If it wasn't easy, you sure made it look easy.
Although I tend to be skeptical of resolutions, I have two very important and simple resolutions that I'm starting tomorrow:
1) Get up and go exercise. Tomorrow, 6:30. It'll be cold, but that's okay.
2) Play for a while with my kids each day.
1 comment:
I woke up at 6 this morning and sent positive Get Up and Run thoughts your way. Sometimes I wish my body were physically capable of demanding 8 hrs of sleep! (And going for a run, but that's another story.) Look, your girls are so playful and imaginative, so please remember that you have fostered and encouraged that! (But I hear you on the guilt brought on by that book.) On better days, it's just inspired me. On worse days, it's made it very clear that I've got to figure out more ways to fill my own "well," so that I've even got it in me to get down and play.
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